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May 22nd | WHO’S IN YOUR COURT FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT?
You don’t have to go it solo while navigating the emotionally tough waters of divorce. If you’re wondering how to keep your head above water, keep from drowning and head straight for a nervous breakdown, look to others, says Rick. But who you can turn to? Who can you count on to emotionally support you through your divorce process? Surround yourself with your “court of support,” advises Rick. Who are these people? They make up the small platoon of your closest friends and family members … people who are going to stand by you – not judge you, but support you – and give you the tough feedback that you need to hear. Rick turns to his callers on this topic, asking them to share with listeners the kind of support – or lack thereof – they’ve received. Their stories are riveting. They will surprise you and give you insights into the wonderful and unexpected ways supporters enter your life and throw you a life preserver.[smart_track_player url=”//securemedia.iheart.com/media/station_content/676/2016/05/mp3/default/talking_divorce_0_1464005654.mp3″ title=” WHO’S IN YOUR COURT FOR EMOTIONAL SUPPORT?” artist=”Rick M Goldberg | May 22nd 2016″ image=”https://rickmgoldberg.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/player_picture_rick.png” color=”#454545″ social=”true” social_twitter=”true” social_facebook=”true” social_gplus=”true” view=”mobile” social_email=”true”]
Rick: Good morning everyone and thank you for tuning in to Divorce Talk Radio. I know you have a lot of choices to listen to on a Sunday morning. And I’m grateful that you chose KPRC 950 on the AM dial this Sunday morning. I’m Rick Goldberg and I’ll be your host for the next hour as we talk all things divorce.
So if you have gone through a divorce, if you’re going through a divorce now, or even thinking about it, give us a call on 713-212-5950. Helping me drive the ship this morning as always is Michael Garfield. Good morning, Garf.
Michael: Good morning. And you know what? As you described it, Rick, if you’ve gone through a divorce or if you’re thinking about divorce, that pretty much narrows it down to about 93% of our entire audience, if not more. I mean it’s sad to say but the fact is when you started the show which you’ve done by the way – you’re doing a great job. I guess your job is to guide people through because there are so many people in this boat.
Rick: There are a lot of people in this boat and the waters are rough and the navigation is definitely not easy.
Michael: Look at you, Captain Snooping with all the analogies. I like that.
Rick: Well, through my experience, I found that when a person makes a decision to get divorced, they’re typically overloaded with tons of questions and tons of concerns, some of them are practical like how much of a fortune will this cost me, what lawyers are going to be right for me, where am I going to live, and how am I going to handle the monthly expenses? Those are the practical aspects.
And then some are even a little bit deeper and more personal. How am I going to get through this divorce literally without having a nervous breakdown? Who in my life can I count on to emotionally support me through this divorce process?
And that’s really the theme of our show today is what kind of support did you receive or maybe not receive while you were going through a divorce? Because a divorce is never simple. It involves complex financial decisions that can affect you and your children for literally years to come. It’s got the ability to turn your life upside down emotionally and you’re going to tap into feelings that you forgot you even had, feelings like anger, grief, fear, sadness, anxiety, shame, and guilt and unfortunately, joy and happiness can become pretty fleeting through the process. It makes the rest of everyday life that much tougher when you’re going through a divorce.
And when you’re in a place like this, I have found that there is a profound and strategic move that you can make to keep yourself in balance. It goes contrary to what people might think but you move in and you surround yourself with a small platoon of 3 to 4 of your closest friends and family members who are going to stand by you, not judge you, support you, and give you the tough feedback that you need to hear especially if you’re going into your victim mode. And make no mistake about it, divorce is an incredibly emotional ordeal.
So give us a call this morning at 713-212-5950. I’m interested and I believe the listeners out there are interested too in knowing about what kind of support you receive or what kind of support didn’t you receive as you went through your divorce.
Michael: Yeah. And Rick, this is – the show is an hour. We’ve done so many shows and the show is every Sunday morning and the listeners are growing. It’s almost like a support mind. It’s not intimidating. I’m looking at Rick right now. I see he’s very gentle but he’s very smart. He has got a lot of background.
And speaking of which, we do have a caller, Rick. I’ll tell you what? Let’s go directly to the phones. I want to say a good Sunday morning to Rachel. Rachel, we welcome you to Divorce Talk Radio.
Rick: Hey, Rachel. How are you this morning?
Rachel: I’m good. I’m good. I’ve been listening to your show for months and it’s really interesting and I’ve gotten some of my friends to listen too.
Rick: That’s great. That’s great. So have you – are you going through a divorce now or you’re already gone through a divorce?
Rachel: I went through a divorce. It was finalized a few months ago.
Rick: OK. And so you heard the theme for the show today. It’s about support, where you got it, where you didn’t get it. Did you have people supporting you, close friends or family as you went through the divorce? And what was that like for you?
Rachel: I did. I had some very close friends who in particular that really supported and helped me emotionally through that period, neither of which had been divorced but just really were there when I needed them.
Rick: And what did you find that they like really did for you? How did you utilize them I guess is what I’m trying to say?
Rachel: Like a shoulder to lean on, somebody to vent to, kind of the two people that knew the ins and outs of my relationship, my prior relationship, the two people in the marriage. I have a daughter. And so, they were close to her. They were close friends that were kind of like surrogate aunts and uncles to her. So kind of knew all of the players and all of the – everything that I had gone on and that we were going through. And so I didn’t have to constantly be coming in, just kind of can go to them when I needed them. They also help do things like move, just kind of anything I needed.
Rick: How often did you find yourself reaching out to one of your friends?
Rachel: Probably daily like one or the other, maybe both.
Rick: And did you ever get like any of the feelings of, “I just don’t know if I want to share this with them because this might not make me look so good?” Did you have any of that or did you share the good, the bad and the ugly with them?
Rachel: I think with these particular people, the reason we were so close was I could share everything with them. There was no judgment.
Rick: Is there anything that you remember that any of them told you that that just lifted you up from whatever state you might have been in in that particular down period?
Rachel: I don’t know of anything in particular. I would just say knowing that I have their support and knowing that whether my decisions throughout the process were right or wrong that they would help me, support me, and like I said, no judgment which I think was really the most supportive quality of those friends. It’s just knowing that I could tell them the good, the bad, the ugly and there really weren’t any consequences to it. There’s just support.
Rick: And did they ever call you out on your stuff?
Rachel: Yes! No, for sure. I think that it’s good to be – have friends that are objective especially if you’re not being objective and kind of to hear that feedback and somebody to balance things off of knowing you’re not always going to hear what you want in return.
Rick: Yeah. Now, let me ask you another question. I heard about the people who did support you. Were there people in your life that you thought would support you through this process and actually ended up not supporting you?
Rachel: Yes. That was definitely more surprising than the people who supported me because I had two very close girlfriends who were also married, also had young children. And we’d always share everything about our relationship. And when it came down to it, they really didn’t agree with my decision especially because I did have a child and they just kind of told me that they didn’t agree. And then I really lost their support. And that was really hard.
Rick: And when you say you lost their support, what do you mean exactly?
Rachel: I think in the preliminary times when divorce was kind of just a little bit on the table, your friends tell you they’ll support you, come to us if you need anything, and then when the chips were down and I was going through it, they didn’t agree with the decision and thought I was making a bad decision and they didn’t want to hear about it and they didn’t want to I guess support my decision.
Rick: I got you. How much time we have, Michael?
Michael: We got about a minute, a minute or so. And Rachel, just really good questions, good opportunities for some good feedback. And if anybody else wants to get out there, we got about 45 more minutes. It’s 713-212-5950. We would love to talk to you. Rick, hopefully you can just continue ask questions like you’re doing with Rachel because she really brings up some good points.
Rick: She brings up some great points. And Rachel, I want to know, would you mind sticking around and coming back with us after the break because there are some things I’d like to ask you that I think would be very enlightening to our listeners?
Rick: You got a couple extra minutes for us?
Rachel: I do.
Michael: Fantastic. I’ll tell you what, Rachel, we’re going to put you on hold. And again, let me give you the number out there, Divorce Talk Radio, Rick Goldberg here along with me, Michael Garfield at 713-212-5950. Sunday morning, hope all is well.
And again, the purpose of this show, nothing – you know what, Rick? They can even change their name if they want to. Disguise your voice. Talk like Yoda or somebody. 713-212-5950 if you’re going through a divorce, if you’ve been through a divorce or just thinking about one. It’s time to get some of those ideas out there. Rick can talk to you. All right? It’s all good right here on Talk Radio 950 KPRC.
Rick: Welcome back to Divorce Talk Radio on this Sunday morning. This is Rick Goldberg, the host of your show. And joining me is Michael Garfield. And on the line with us, if you listened in to our first segment, we have Rachel. Rachel was sharing about the type of support that she received as she went through her divorce. And she just started talking to us about some of the people that I guess you might, Rachel, dropped you in the grease and who really didn’t support you. So, tell us a little about some of those people.
Rachel: Well, you know Rick, I thought about it over the break. And really, what has affected me more than anything if I was being honest, that’s not heard at the time of the divorce, but there’s so much going on during a divorce that there’s a lot of emotions. But then the divorce happens and you have all these mutual friends because we were in about 10-year relationship.
And what really hurts and it’s still ongoing which is probably why a fresher pain, is the friends that feel they need to choose and the friends that really don’t know anything about the situation because you chose not to tell them but then your ex is telling them things. And so you’re kind of put in a position, do you take the time to refute these allegations or do you kind of just let the friendship go? And that’s really hard to.
Rick: So what did you do?
Rachel: So it’s still a process. I think if it’s a close enough friend and I care about the relationship and I don’t want to see it deteriorate, I take the time to call them say, “Hey, I know it’s really none of your business but here’s kind of a long and short of it. I know you’ve heard XYZ but I really don’t want there to be any negative feelings between us and I can’t help what this other person out there spreading around.”
Rick: Yeah. No, I understand. In fact, when I went through my divorce, it was about 12 years ago, I was a runner back then and did a lot of avid running and went to church and this and that. And I kind of found that as we broke apart, my ex-wife got the runners and got the church friends and I got more of the business acquaintances and a lot of my kids parents’ friends. But without really any intention, that sort of how it all just kind of worked out and flushed out.
So those people that really kind of made a decision and became more friends with your ex-husband, any connection with them today?
Rachel: There are some friendships I’m working through. I think that divorce is – I have learned that I think divorce is more uncomfortable for the people around you than for me. Like I made the decision to get a divorce, I followed the decision to get a divorced, we’re divorced. Then everyone around me just can’t believe that this decision was made or can’t comprehend divorce especially with children. I think children make people really uncomfortable when you’re talking about divorce. They kind of like take a huge step back.
It’s almost like they don’t want to be associated with it or associated with this person who broke up this family. And it’s hurtful because people really never knew what’s going on in the marriage unless they’re in the marriage. There’s a lot of assumptions about divorce and a lot of negative connotations especially with kids, right now, I’m in a position in my life where all my friends have kids under 10 and they just – whether or not they’re happy in their marriage, they stay in it. And I didn’t make that decision and it makes me kind of like an outcast.
Rick: I got it. Are you in a new relationship yet?
Rachel: No. I think that I’ll give it some time.
Rick: That’s a good idea. So, I want to wrap up by just asking you, if you can give any kind of advice or feedback to people listening in around getting a court of support, having friends on your team, what would you tell them?
Rachel: How to get support? I’m sorry. Is that the question?
Rick: The question is what kind of advice would you give people that are going through a divorce right now with regards to developing a small court of support of friends, family members that can hold them accountable but also be like you said, that shoulder for them to lean on when they need it? What feedback and advice would you give those people?
Rachel: What I did and I feel like in the long run, I think it is the right decision, I didn’t go to people and tell them all my dirty laundry. I feel like it’s private and I feel like your friends don’t really want to be a part of it at the end of the day. I let people kind of come to me that knew the position, knew maybe what I needed or felt and see what I needed and were willing to be there for me because you don’t ever want to put someone in a position where you’re kind of forcing them to be part of something they might not want to be a part of.
So I kind of let the cards fall with my friends and some of that are still ongoing. But for the most part, people now that the dust is settled, people are coming back and saying, “Hey, I probably shouldn’t have judged.” Or, “Hey, I’m sorry you went through that.” But the people that were really close to me were the people that came to me and offered their support and then our bond just grew bigger because it was what exactly what I needed. And I don’t think you can ever try to force somebody into that.
Rick: Well Rachel, I really want to thank you for calling in this morning, for listening, for continuing to tell your friends about the show. And have a blessed and wonderful Sunday the rest of the day.
Rachel: Thanks, Rick. You guys have a great day.
Michael: Good. We appreciate that call. I think that’s really nice of Rachel to spend that much time here. By the way, if anybody else wants to get through, 713-212-5950 on Divorce Talk Radio with Rick Goldberg.
Rick, it’s really probing here, which is good because there are so many people out there and kind of a little hint about radio, less than one tenth of one percent of listeners out there actually call in. Maybe they just don’t want. They don’t feel comfortable, which is really good. I see what you were doing just kind of maybe giving some people – listeners out there some ideas and opportunities.
You almost kind of started a whole new ancillary offshoot of the show. It’s the dating game. You were like, “So, are you dating again?” like that. You know what? You may have to expand this into another hour and do the divorce and then you can do the online on-air dating game with Rick Goldberg.
Rick: That’s why if we mention Match.com, maybe we can go and get them as a sponsor.
Michael: We like that. Match, if you’re listening or JDate, JSwipe site, anything, just give us a call.
Rick: You know, one thing that I heard Rachel talked about is she said after the dust settles, when you have children and you’re going through post-divorce, in other words, you’ve been divorced, now, you’re on with your life. The dust settles but then the dust always gets kicked up. There are just things in life that happen.
And I think if everyone can just lower their expectations a little bit around things aren’t even going to be perfect, it’s not going to be fantasy land, and there are going to be some struggles and some ups and downs, and if you can understand that, I think knowing that the dust would not always be settled, that there always be some particles bouncing around, I think can help people get through some tough times.
Michael: In tough times, the reason that’s why Rick created the show. If you’re going through a divorce, thinking about it, this is what you need to do. You dial 713-212-5950 just like Sarah has. Hey Sarah, good Sunday morning. It’s Divorce Talk Radio. I’m Michael and this is Rick.
Rick: Hey, Sarah.
Sarah: Good morning.
Rick: How are you doing?
Sarah: I’m good. Thank you.
Rick: Good. Well, thanks for calling the show this morning. You’re up bright and early.
Rick: Have you gone through a divorce already or are you currently going through a divorce?
Sarah: My divorce was eight years ago. But in some ways, it feels like it was ages ago and in some ways, it feels like it was yesterday.
Rick: Oh, I bet. Was it a fairly easy split-up and breakup or was it fairly contentious and difficult?
Sarah: I think it was one of the most difficult in the history of divorces. We had about 9 months of litigation and we ended up having a 3-day trial with a judge.
Rick: Oh boy! Oh boy! Well, do you have children?
Sarah: I do. I have three children who are very young at that time. And one of the main points of disagreements and the divorce settlement was the custody and visitation issue. So that’s what made it very difficult.
Rick: I see. Well, I appreciate you sharing that. The theme of the show today is what kind of support did you get while you were going through your divorce? And when I say support, I mean support from really close friends and/or family members. And we’re backing up right now Sarah, against the break and so I’d like to ask you, would you be willing to stay on the line with us for a couple more minutes? When we come back from the break, we’ll pick back up.
Rick: OK. Great.
Michael: Fantastic, Sarah. 713-212-5950. About halfway to happy hour right here on Divorce Talk Radio with Rick Goldberg.
Rick: Welcome back everyone to Divorce Talk Radio. This is Rick Goldberg. And we are at our halfway mark here on a Sunday morning. Great show. Talking all things divorce. With me is Michael Garfield. Hey, Garf.
Michael: 713-212-5950. Rick, I’ll tell you what, we’ve done five, six shows? It’s almost on autopilot. People are calling in. People actually – you wonder if people are awake and coherent on Sunday morning? Heck yeah. I mean the phones are just lighting up right now without a doubt. As a matter of fact, Sarah is still hanging on from last seg. Are you ready to talk to her again?
Rick: I am.
Michael: OK. Sarah, we appreciate you hanging on through the break. Thank you so much.
Rick: So Sarah, we are talking right before we went on break about the kind of people that you had in your life, what I call this platoon of support. Tell our listeners a little bit about the people that you assembled to support you, how you put them together, and what role they played in your life.
Sarah: OK. I think I should just begin by quickly saying that I come from a Middle Eastern culture where divorce is still a taboo word in the 21st century and especially with three small kids. So I think first and foremost for me, if I hadn’t been through the support of my friends, there’s no way I would have been able to get a divorce.
Rick: And did that surprise you knowing the background and traditions that I’m assuming your parents had? Did it surprise you how on board they were with you?
Sarah: It did. And they were not on board initially. I remember my mom’s exact words even in the last few months when things were horrible saying to me, “It’s not about your happiness anymore. You have three small kids. It’s about their happiness.”
So – but I think at the very, very end, it was just such a destructive and unhealthy situation that my parents felt like it was in the grandkids’ best interest not to be in such a home.
Rick: Well, that’s a good point. And I’m glad you saw that that really is the case because if we only make it about our kid’s happiness and we’re not modeling for our children what happiness looks like, our kids really are not going to be that happy at the end of the day.
Rick: So back to – so you had your parents. And who else was on your, let’s call it, on team Sarah?
Sarah: My sister, my one and only sister and her husband. They were like a solid walk behind me. And again, going through nine months of fighting back and forth and just the fear of the unknown and the uncertainty, I experienced panic attacks. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat. If I didn’t have my immediate family behind me, I don’t know how I would have gotten through it.
Rick: You said she was like a rock for you, what does that mean? Tell our listeners what being a rock means for you.
Sarah: Never judging you, never criticizing you. Just that shoulder there that you need to just put your head on and let it all out.
Rick: That’s beautiful. And so, you had your parents, you had your sister. What about any just close friends? Did you have some of those too?
Sarah: I did. I think I’m very lucky in the network of friends I have. However, it was interesting to see that during the time that I really needed my friends the most, some who I considered to be close friends just seem to disappear. And I think part of it was because they knew I was going through a very difficult divorce which was going to end up in court and I think for some of them, it was the fear of getting subpoena, not to come to court and testify on my behalf. And they didn’t want to have any part of it. So that was very hurtful.
Rick: I bet. Well, I do know. Nobody likes to be subpoenaed.
Sarah: That’s right.
Rick: But I totally hear where you’re coming from. So when they would disappear on you like that, I think that’s the word that you used, how did that make you feel? Internally?
Sarah: Oh gosh! I’m a sensitive person by nature. So that was just devastating. And I just felt like I had put my trust and all those years of friendship in the wrong hearts. However, on the same token, there were those friends who were constant and steady and there those who I did not even expect anything from who really stuck to me and said, “We’ve heard you’re through this, do you need a character witness?” So those who voluntarily kind of threw themselves in the midst of the ugliness.
Rick: That’s great. Have you found yourself – you’ve been divorced you said eight years now, is that right?
Rick: And so, have you sort of have been brought into the inner circle with some of your friends who over the last eight years since your divorce they’ve been going through a divorce?
Rick: And what – and how do you support them? What are some of the ways in which you support them?
Sarah: I think after eight years, and something that anyone who is going through a divorce especially a difficult one, knows that divorce isn’t finished once the paper is signed. It’s a life-long relationship with your ex if you have children. So it has been an eight years of rollercoaster for us personally.
So I think what I can bring to the table for my friends who are going through a divorce these days is having things in perspective, the things that used to scare me to death and what ended up really mattering at the end. I think I can help them prioritize what they need to focus on, what they need to put their energy into, because if you’re a mom and going through a divorce and you’re not lucky enough like I was to have the financial and moral support of your parents, it can just break you psychologically.
Rick: Sure. How old are your children now?
Sarah: They are 12 and 11.
Rick: Twelve and eleven. And so, what has the co-parenting relationship been like with your ex? Because I think that’s kind of interesting too. You go through a really difficult, litigious battle, fighting it all out in court, but then how do you show up for your kids afterwards? What has that been like?
Sarah: Impossible until the very recent past. My ex had no interest in co-parenting and he was very open about that. So we have ended up back in court a few times since the divorce over issues regarding the kids. But I’m happy to say that in the last year, I think we just reached breaking point as far as all the animosity and now for the first time ever, we are on good terms. We communicate and I think the kinds are being put first for the first time in the co-parenting relationship as we are trying to establish and carry on.
Rick: That’s fantastic. What do you think was the turning point?
Sarah: Part of it is, the kids are older now and they are more vocal about their emotions and they are tough kids. They’ve been through a lot. And there are a lot more mature for their age and they should be because of all this experience. But they are very strong and they’re standing up for what they want.
And so, it takes a little pressure off of me in feeling like I need to protect them and defend them all the time. And I think that has enabled them to establish a dialogue with their father also which they couldn’t have when they were younger. And I’m happy that he is actually receptive and open to hearing their demands and needs and wants.
Rick: That’s great. Well, Sarah, I really appreciate you calling in this morning sharing your co-parenting experiences, sharing your divorce and how you developed the support team and really also want to honor you for going out and be a person in support of your friends that are going through divorce.
This is Divorce Talk Radio with Rick Goldberg. Stick around we’ve got 10 or 12 minutes left and happy Sunday.
Michael: Happy Sunday, 713-212-5950. Time for one or two more calls.
Rick: Welcome back everyone to Divorce Talk Radio and happy Sunday morning to you. This is Rick Goldberg. Our call-in line here at KPRC 950 is 713-212-595. So if you have an issue or you have a hot topic on your divorce or maybe even someone’s divorce that you’re on the periphery of, give us a call. We’d love to talk to you. Michael, how do you think it’s going so far?
Michael: I tell you what, Rick, people are waking up on Sunday morning. They’re opening up to you. A lot of people are maybe a little shy, a little timid. I mean whatever you want to call the adjective over here, they don’t want to call in. Sarah, who just called in, I mean you kept her on the line over the break because that’s your job by the way as a litigator who specializes in divorce.
Rick: Well, I’m not a litigator. We want to be clear about that.
Michael: It seems like you are a litigator. I’d hire you still though.
Rick: I’ve played a lawyer on TV before but I am not a member of the Texas State Bar.
Rick: I had drinks at the State Bar of Texas, I think it’s called. But …
Michael: Bloody Mary time here on a Sunday morning now. But I think it’s going very well. And again, I tell people the purpose of this show, Divorce Talk Radio. My name is Michael Garfield by the way, helping out Rick. If you are going through divorce, thinking about it, a lot of people are thinking about it and they don’t know that first step and this is the practice that you do, Rick. I mean you handhold for lack of a better term and you try to make things civil. Is that correct? Because things should be civil in a perfect world. We don’t live in a perfect world though, do we?
Rick: We don’t and it seems like we live in a material world sometimes. But actually what I do, if the viewers were kind of interested in hearing, I don’t know if making things civil is actually the way to describe it, I actually am hired by the person who is going through a divorce, I’m hired by their attorney. And so, I come on board and I help get them in balance as they go through the process so they can put their best strategy together, they could put their best foot forward, and at the end of the day, so that they can testify in court in the most authentic fashion.
Michael: And you’ve done this for quite a while too.
Rick: Done it for almost 25 years although it might be hard to believe that.
Michael: Where is your grey hair, bro?
Rick: I’ve got plenty of grey hair.
Michael: Wait a minute. I’ll just put my glasses on. There it is.
Rick: Hey, I do want to tell our listeners something before we move on to our next caller. Very good ending to Sarah’s story, she told me as we got off the line and we were on break that one of the people that supported her during her divorce, she ended up marrying.
Rick: And she got divorced eight years ago and she got remarried five years ago to one of the gentlemen who was there for her and who helped support her and who was one of the rocks that she was able to …
Michael: Better than Match.com. You see, people you look for support. You never know when your next love of your life and partner is actually going to come by.
We got probably about 7 more minutes. Time for one more caller, Rick, if it’s OK with you.
Rick: Let’s take it.
Michael: I want to say good Sunday morning to Grace. Grace, we welcome you to Divorce Talk Radio.
Grace: Hi. How are you doing?
Rick: Hey, Grace. This is Rick. How are you this morning?
Grace: Doing well. How are you doing?
Rick: I’m doing great. I heard that we got a little baby in the background you’re trying to get down?
Grace: Yeah. Right now, her eyes are closed but she has a pacifier in but she’s here right now.
Rick: OK. Well, we’ll move fast. And I appreciate you listening to the show and calling in this morning. We have a couple of themes brewing this morning. Predominantly is the kind of support that you had or didn’t have as you went through your divorce or breakup. And I think you mentioned with you, you never gotten married to your baby’s daddy. Is that correct?
Grace: No, never been married to him. We were together for two years. And actually, I found out that I was pregnant after we split up. So, interesting story.
Rick: Well, what do you have? Do you have a little boy or a little girl?
Grace: A little girl.
Rick: A little girl. Well, fantastic. Congratulations. So what kinds of struggles or issues are kind of popping up for you right now around this relationship? Because my hunch is that you’re not going to stay involved with him but is he interested in being in your baby’s life?
Grace: Right now, we’re still working the kinks out. We are not speaking at the moment. He had the opportunity to be there for her birth and to be there step by step during the doctor’s appointment. And even when he was kind of backing off, I still made that opportunity available and reached out to him. But hopefully, once all of the kind of hardiness and all that good stuff settled, then he’ll be a part of her life.
Rick: Good. So you really have a challenge. You obviously just had a baby and you went through that process without being in relationship so it took a lot of bravery and a lot of courage to go through that. Did you have people that were there for you and supported you through that 9-month and now this 11-month journey?
Grace: Oh yes, big time.
Rick: And so, who are some of the key people that like stood behind you and had your back?
Grace: So, one of the biggest supporters that I had, it was somebody outside of my typical circle. I actually met her on a trip to Mexico one time and she is a therapist in LA actually. And we hit it off. She is an older woman and we just kind of kept in touch over the years. She always thought the biggest regret was that she worked too hard and never had kids. And I already said that I want to have kids either.
So once I found out I was pregnant, I called her and then through the breakup, kind of having that person there that’s a neutral party that loves me but doesn’t know him or anything else really involved. She was such a huge help.
Rick: Can you share with our listeners some of maybe the pearls of wisdom that you can remember that she might have shared with you?
Grace: I mean of coursed, one of the things that she first told me was God works in mysterious ways and whether you’re a believer or not, it’s just crazy how things pan out and different things happen. You got so many different paths that you can go down in life and things that will lead you in different ways. And so, she kind of helped me understand that or really in my head, settle all the questions that I had. I said I didn’t really need to know all the answers to right away but it was just kind of totally going to work its way out.
Rick: Now Grace, who – was there anyone that maybe you thought was going to be there for you and ended up just not being there for you as you went through the process?
Grace: Yes. So it was very tough and I had to keep myself from becoming bitter in the beginning. So people who still kept the relationship with him and then knowing the situation and that he was being the way that he was being, it kind of brought a lot of anger.
Grace: And so, in the beginning, it kind of hurt some of those relationships or everybody has their opinions on things. So it kind of split our mutual group of friends in half.
Grace: So yeah, some people – one of the girls that I was very close with and I’ve been closed with for 15 years, we just had a big falling out because of it.
Rick: What about your parents? Were they there for you?
Grace: My mom has been a big supporter. We kind of explored all the options and what to do. But she is – I’m actually at the lake house right now, at her lake house. So she has been a big help.
Rick: That’s great. Well, save us a couple of spots. It’s raining in the forecast and we might have to pop up there, Garf and I and see the baby.
Michael: I’d like to see the baby.
Rick: And check out that lake house.
Michael: Yeah. We’d be happy to help her out. We got babysitting services and a radio show. What else do you need here on a Sunday morning?
Rick: Grace, I really want to thank you for calling in this morning. Unfortunately, we’re up at the end of the hour. And so, we’re going to have to say goodbye. Tell your friends about us and keep listening to Divorce Talk Radio here on KPRC 950. This is Rick Goldberg. I’ve really enjoyed being here for you, guiding you through some of your issues. Garf, what do you think, buddy?
Michael: I tell you what, great job. And thanks to all the callers. We’ve been doing the show for about a month right now and they are really waking up and they’re opening up, and that’s really what we’ve done. This is a heritage radio station where we do talk. I’ve talked a lot about technology and consumer products. And Rick, your expertise, really, really, I can even see it’s doing a big difference to our listeners.
Rick: I think I’ve got a new tagline for us on Sunday morning. It’s wake up and open up.
Michael: Look at you. I tell you what, I’m going to trademark – I better trademark that real quick.
Rick: Well, I got it out of your mouth.
Michael: Wait a minute. I own half the rights. Listen for Ramon Robles and everybody who has been a part of the show, my name is Michael Garfield, we do thank you for listening to Divorce Talk Radio. We will see you next week same bat time, same bat channel which is KPRC. Right now the show is over.
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